I cannot tell you how many different diets I have tried over the years. From weight watchers, to keto, to liquid diets, I have spent thousands of dollars trying to shed the pounds. It is honestly so tiring!!! As I have gotten older, my struggles with weight increase all the more. It’s harder finding time to workout and also good ol’ metabolism is slowing down. Oh, how I wish I could go back to my college weight! Wave your hand if you are with me! LOL. 

After being fed up with the scale and not fitting into that “dress” from five years ago, I decided to go to a nutritionist. This changed my life!! The nutritionist was not focused on me losing weight, but on me being healthy and loving myself. What a brilliant concept. One day she asked me, “Nadia, what is wrong with being in this world in a bigger body?” I swear I wanted to slap her. I mean, what did this skinny lady know! But she was right. What was wrong with taking up just a little more space. I mean, I don’t want to be the next person on My 600 Pound Life, but who said that a size 6 is the acceptable size?

Over the next 6 – 8 months, I learned how to eat better (and this did not include denying myself food) and how to truly love my body. I am not 100% there just yet. I have occasional times when I look in the mirror and do not like all my curves or the way I look in certain outfits, but I have come to appreciate who God created me to be. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Every part of me, is ME! I am very healthy, but in a size 12/14 body. 

It is so freeing to stop trying to be a certain size, only to most likely gain it back. Now don’t get me wrong, I still exercise daily and I am mindful of what I eat, but I no longer subscribe to the notion that I have to lose 50 pounds to be happy. I have joy! There are people who have the best bodies and still are not happy. You have to love the skin you are in because it’s just one YOU and you are beautiful just the way you are! 

It seems like this year has been filled with so many losses on different levels. People have lost their lives during this pandemic due to the COVID19. Others have lost money, jobs, and personal things due to the financial challenges brought about by the pandemic. Children and teens have lost months of instruction due to being out of school for months. 

Personally, I have had losses in my personal and professional life. I experienced some major disappointments in this season. On top of that, at the school I work, we have seen 5 our students pass in the last six weeks. Each of these students having a bright future ahead of them but gone too soon. I can’t imagine being a parent having to bury your child. 

I was discouraged this week and tried to understand all of this disappointment and death and I have come to know that it is not for me to understand or make sense of it all. So, I have shifted my mindset to not focus on the losses. I am choosing to focus on all the ways we are winning. 

We are winning because every day we are here we are able to live out our calling and purpose. We are winning because we have the opportunity to honor our loved ones who are no longer here  by keeping their memory alive in us and in the things we do. We are winning because we can continue to be the change we want to see in this world. We are winning because we are powerful human beings who can inspire others and make meaningful changes in our communities. We are winning because we are surrounded by people who love and support us. We are winning because we are victors and not victims. 

So today, you can choose your mindset. Are you a winning or losing? I have decided that I am and will forever be a winner. 

The bible says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:30-21). However, in order to love others, you have to love yourself first. 

As a people, we are constantly on the go. We are trying to keep up with the hustle and bustle of life. Many of us live to work or work to live. Then on top of that, we take care of our families, serve our communities, and still find time to make for our friends. Plus, we add things to our plates like school (for those seeking degrees), 2^nd jobs, keeping up with our homes, and so much more.  Unfortunately, when the dust settles, many times we are depleted, and we have nothing left to give. I know there are times when I feel like I have given so much of myself to other people and things and then I feel like my cup is empty and I have nothing to pour from. It is in these moments; I realize that I need something to pour into me. 

This is why self-love is so important. Self-love is defined as “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.” If we don’t take care ourselves, then how can we fully operate in our purpose and take care of the people we love the most? 

Self-love can be so many things. Self-love means taking care of your body, mind, and spirit. To take care of your body, you have to exercise, get proper sleep, and put the right foods in your body. To take care of your mind means taking time to meditate, prioritizing your mental health,  and being mindful of the energy you are taking in with the people you surround yourself with. Taking care of your mind also means setting boundaries with people (and even social media). Lastly, taking care of your spirit means focusing on your spiritual health and being one with God. 

I want to mention the last few things that I find are important regarding self-love, which is to be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, and live intentionally each day! 

“I learned a long time ago the wisest thing I can do is be on my own side.” Maya Angelou 

• Here are some practical ways to self-love: 
• Say something positive about yourself each day
• Move your body
• Laugh more
• Surround yourself with good people
• STOP comparing yourself
• Celebrate small wins
• Stop toxic relationships in your life
• Find your passion
• Practice mindfulness (yoga, meditation, breathing exercises)
• Right down what you are grateful for every day
• Learn to say NO
• Stop looking for approval from other people

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Let me first start off by stating that this is my personal blog. Which means, a lot of what I write about is my personal experiences and opinion. Don’t go quoting me or anything. Lol. 

I want to discuss some misconceptions and stereotypes that have come to my mind recently. Some of which are centered around the current state of America. 

#1 – The Angry Black Woman! Oh Lord, now I get this one a lot. Being a black woman in leadership is challenging. Off top, people tell me that they are intimidated by me. That is until they get to know me and then they are pleasantly surprised. There is a misunderstanding that if you are a black woman who is confident in yourself and your ability, that means you are also a b***c (let me keep it PG-13), mean, and/or intimidating. This could be far from the truth. Now there are times I may come off a little strong or have my resting “b***c” face as some may say,  but that is only because of how hard I had to fight to get where I am or have the respect, I know I deserve. Unfortunately, the images that many people see in the media of black women only feeds into the stereotype. But please stop feeding into this stereotype. Because I am black, woman, beautiful, strong, intelligent, resilient, innovative, kind, loving, powerful, influential, and unapologetic!

#2 – Make America Great Again – How can you make something “great again” when it wasn’t great in the first place? I’m just saying. This country was built on taking things from people. Taking land, taking labor (slaves), and taking lives. The United States of America was built on the premise of racism and hatred from the outset. Unfortunately, just as with any relationship, usually what the foundation it is built on is what keeps it going (i.e. God, sex, friendship, etc.) and that is why there is still so much racism, hatred, and unrest in 2020. But I know that things will get better. But that slogan has got to go. 

#3 I don’t need to go to therapy – To be honest, we all do. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you or that you are crazy. One definition of therapy is an act, hobby, task, or program that relieves tension. One thing I have learned in 2020 is that we have to be kind to ourselves. Going to therapy and doing things that bring self-love are important steps in taking care of yourself. If you don’t take care of you, how can you take care of others?? Too many of us (myself included) are pouring from empty cups. Going to therapy helped me in so many ways. It was nice to talk to someone who did not know or have certain expectations of me. Remember, your mental health is probably the most important thing. If your mind isn’t right, most other things in your life won’t be either. 

#4 – The clock is ticking – I turn 35 this year. It came so fast. I just knew that I would have been married with 3 kids by now (God laughing). And if my doctor tells me one more time that I need to have a baby because my eggs are not getting any younger, I will SNAP! As women we have the pressure of this “biological clock” and not to mention family and friends who ask about you meeting a man or having a baby. I used to feel the weight of this pressure and feeling like I was missing out. But I became free when I truly realized the plan that God has for each of us is unique and designed by Him to fulfill His purpose. He doesn’t operate by any clock. He knows exactly what we need and where we need to be. So, I look forward to year 35. I have accomplished so much in my life so far that most people may not ever accomplish in their lifetime. So, ladies, don’t let the pressure from society ever make you doubt the plan that He ultimately has for you! 

What comes to your mind when you think of individuals like Mahatma Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, Oprah Winfrey, Rosa Parks, Gloria Steinem, Harriet Tubman, Yousafzai, Susan B. Anthony, Malcolm X, Mother Teresa and Angela Davis? You may think of things like social activists, influential leaders, and people who have changed history. When I think of each of these individuals and their impact, the one thing that comes to my mind is that they all started to make a change where they could. None of them just became worldwide leaders and household names overnight. 

Each one of us has the power in our own way to make a change in the world. Think about what Ghandi said, “be the change you want to see in the world.” In light of the recent events in America, so many people are struggling to make sense of so much racism, inequalities and hatred in the year 2020. You would think that as the top nation of the world, we would have made much further strides when it comes to tackling things like racial injustice and inequality. But unfortunately, this is just not true. There is still a huge gap for African Americans and people of color, like me, when it comes to fair and equal treatment in this country. When many of us ponder to think of what we can do to change the current state of America or how we can make a difference, it does seem like an insurmountable place to begin. But we all have the power to make a difference. Some of us will go on to the be next Oprah and Martin while others will leave this Earth with only people in our family and community knowing the difference we made, but it is important to know that you can make a difference. 

If you are trying to figure out where to start, here is some advice. If you are white, my first piece of advice is to acknowledge the injustice, pain and hurt that black people have experienced in this country for hundreds of years. Then, educate yourself! This means, read books, get on the internet and do your research, watch educational videos, and listen. Learn about the inequality and injustices that people of color have had to face in this country. It is not enough to just reach out to your black family and friends. Knowledge is power! Then the next thing to do is have meaningful conversations with other people of all backgrounds. A lot of this stuff is not easy to talk about, but it is necessary. Also, check your heart. Check your biases and your own prejudices and stereotypes that you have made. And then do something! It looks different for many people but do something positive and impactful that will make a lasting difference in this world. 

For all my black brothers and sisters, may we not lose hope! We must continue to fight the good fight of faith, especially for the generations to come. Let us continue to come together in our communities and fight for what we deserve. Don’t give up! We have blood of African Kings and Queens running through out veins. It is important that we keep the momentum going. That we support one another and be light even when the world tries to dim us! 

We all need each other in this fight! It should be important to ALL of us the injustices and inequalities we see each day. It is no longer acceptable to turn a blind eye or have a deaf ear! You can make a difference! And I hope you have already started! 

Be blessed!